is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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