I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
