He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
