woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
