wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
