Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
