just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize