do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
