Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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