they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
