I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
