Quick, to the slutcave!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My feet surprised me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
