Your face is a jimmy john
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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