am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
