I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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