I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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