I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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