yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My penis needs a shock collar
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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