is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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