ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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