dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
