I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am naked and annoyed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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