I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
