Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
