my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
