it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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