you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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