People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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