he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
