dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
