At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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