The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
