I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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