Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
