you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize