She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am one with the molecules
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
