I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
