in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
