He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
