okay pat passed out under dana's car
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
