I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
