Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
