New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
