the condom got lost in my hair
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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