I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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