I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
