Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
