Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
