I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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