Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
