I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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