sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize