"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
