He kissed a someone with a penis
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
