carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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