The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize