My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
