I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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