u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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