There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
