Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
