my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize