I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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