I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
