Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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