Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
